Tuesday, 26 November 2013

"I'm so scared"

Maybe it's because I know what I'm in for this time. 

I obviously have the worry that everyone does at this stage of pregnancy - that it won't work out. But I try to put that to the back if my mind. What will be will be. I think in reality, because we had no problems last time and because I haven't had any problems in the past, that this time will be fine too. 

I'm really scared because of all the changes that are going to happen. I was getting quite used to my life - having my independence, going out with friends at the weekend while Jacobs dad looked after the little man, sharing responsibility for him with his dad, wearing what I like, eating and drinking what I like, staying up late and not being scared that I might not be allowed to sleep and getting pretty good at taking Jacob wherever, being prepared and being able to look after him. What will happen when there are two?! I'm going I need a double buggy! A two year old still needs to go in a buggy right? 

I have been looking at the babycenter app and this picture in particular has been scaring me 

The thought of that being in my belly is pretty weird never mind the potential it has to change our lives forever! 

Monday, 25 November 2013

I think I'm pregnant...

.. well, now I'm writing this I know I am! It's very early stages at the moment. We found out 2 days ago but I've been having very strong suspicions for about 3 weeks. Last time I had no idea but this time I think my body remembers the subtle feelings that early pregnancy brings. My boobs have been aching now and then, I've been getting headaches, feeling a bit queasy and my belly has hurt loads when I really need a wee. I am really thirsty and have gone off sweet things and am craving salty food, which happened the first time round too.

Doing the test and seeing the result was no real surprise to me. I didn't feel anything. I have however had enjoyable pangs of nerves each time I have told anyone. Unlike some people we have told our close friends and family even though we are so early on because should anything not work out we would tell them anyway. 

Day two of knowing about this new life beginning in my belly was more of a roller coaster. Most of the day went by as normal although I am feeling very tired but by the end of the day I was so tired and emotional it was ridiculous - cue the unexplained and over the top crying. I am quite scared, despite having done it once before, this time I know how much it will change me and my life. 

The main thing I will do differently this time is try not to put on as much weight, last time I got pretty hefty and it meant that I felt horrible towards the end and it was hard to enjoy. I know it's a bit early but I needed some new jeans so today I bought some maternity jeans that fit perfectly now and have loads of space for a big belly but not much space for my legs to get fat so I'm hoping this will give me some incentive not to get too chubby, although I know a little bit is inevitable. 

Jacob is doing really well at the moment. We're very excited for him to have a sibling and we are just crossing our fingers that the next one is as good as him! 

Saturday, 16 November 2013


Sometimes only a girly day with friends will do. 

All last week I had been looking forward to a shopping day with one of my besties. Sometimes I really believe in "retail therapy" and this weekend I needed it badly.

(When I reflect on it I can feel quite guilty indulging myself when there are so many people with so little, but for now I suppose that's my downfall and I do support various charities. I guess this feeling is a symptom of our unfair world and something serious and important but not something I'm going to dwell on today.)

Despite all this I had really been looking forward to our girly date and getting something to wear for her birthday next weekend. Then I had such a bad Friday I really couldn't wait to see my buddies.

A bit about me - I work with young people with autism and challenging behaviour. I've been doing this a long time and find it an interesting, lively, fascinating and rewarding place to work. Of course there are difficulties but the benefits of this work far outweigh the challenges. I am also a sensitive and emotional person at times. Through my career I feel I have developed a gentle but strong attitude when necessary but it does crack occasionally, probably a little too often. 

I have been feeling very emotional lately and seem to be quick to tears, which recently isn't like me. It wouldn't be right to discuss details of what happened on Friday to crack my resolve but the situation left me in a real shock and crying randomly and intermittently throughout the day, even after I left work I snuggled on the sofa and cried and cried. 

So yesterday I met up with two of the most lovely girls and had a much needed break. We browsed the shops in a very busy Canterbury (it's getting that time of year again!) then had a very indulgent Mexican lunch and even cocktails! Tried on some cool clothes, got a new (free when you trade in 6 empties) MAC lipstick and got something for next weekend. Even though I'm still feeling very spaced out it went so far to repairing my bruised inner self it just made me realise how lucky I am to have such good friends! So thank you girls. 

To top off a good day my lil sis came to babysit with a couple of her gorgeous friends (who we also love) and me and Jacob's dad went to the movies - date night! Woopie! These days/ nights are so important. I read an article last week on Actually Mummy's blog where she was given some advice which I think I agree with ...
"Matthew made a controversial statement: that parents who put their children’s happiness before their own are damaging their offspring’s potential to develop happy relationships of their own. That “your happiness comes before mine” is a bad message, and that happy parents teach kids that personal happiness is vital throughout life." 
If we're happy then he will be happy, we spend loads of time together so a little apart is good for all of us.

I did miss the little man. It's weird because I crave these days out sometimes and my friend, who has no interest in having babies, would hate having to get up early, clean nappies and wash little handprints off a variety of surfaces but I really miss him when he's not around. I love his company (although there is no denying he is not the best shopping companion on a busy Saturday!) 

Friends (and family) really are so important, thanks girls! 

Monday, 4 November 2013

Día de los Muertos - Saturday Stylings

I've been feeling very reserved about Halloween this year. It just seems a bit wrong to celebrate scary things like zombies and other dead and scary things around a little boy who is so small and impressionable. It also seems to me like Halloween has lost it's meaning. If it had Christian origins I feel like they have been lost now.

These are all reasons that I wasn't too up for celebrating this year until a good friend of mine who's birthday is the 31st October decided to have a Día de los Muertos themed party. I started researching on Pinterest and discovered the prettiness, flowers and sugar skulls all involved in this positive celebration of Mexican Day of the Dead. The Huffington Post describe the differences between Halloween and Mexican day of the dead like this "Dia de los Muertos is a holiday with Mexican origins that is celebrated on November 1 - 2. While some imagery might be close to that of Halloween, there are significant differences between the two. Dia de los Muertos is a day to celebrate death -- or, more specifically, the deceased -- while on Halloween, death is seen as something to be feared." I much prefer the Mexican way of celebrating rather than fearing the deceased so I'm definitely going with this idea again in the future. 
Through my research of images of make up and images I got very excited about he party and ended up with a costume and make up that I loved! 
Luckily I had nearly everything I needed for my costume already...
Lots of flowers for my hair and I bought a few extra on eBay
Funky necklace, rings and earrings
Face paint applied with eyeliner brush 
Crystal and skull French connection necklace worn on forehead 
LBD from topshop
And I bought some crystals (99p plus postage from ebay to bling up the face paint and some black net and elastic to make a funky tutu! (£3.50 for net and old elastic from mum for free!)
I was so happy with my costume and dressed up Jacob's dad too - he looked brill! He wore a suit, hat and plain white t shirt and some stick on felt flowers sold for card making that had been fine to us by his nan! 

The wonderful Zoe made a Mexican feast in her beautiful home, decorated perfectly and accompanied by Mexican music and lovely people. We had a fab time and the little man had a sleepover at his Nana and Pop's house so we even had a lay in the next day! 
It was so great to have lots of time to ourselves and have a fun carefree party time.

This seemed like a much better way to celebrate the season especially as a friend of many around our local area tragically passed away this week. He ran the Dublin marathon and suffered a heart attack after completing the race. I didn't know him well but Jacob's dad and a lot of our friends knew him and he was a friendly, genuine and wonderful guy. He ran the marathon to raise money for the British heart foundation so we are continuing to try to raise money for his cause. If you would like to donate please click here to access his just giving page.

Saturday, 2 November 2013

The day that Mummy, Jacob, Daddy and the rest of London all went to theaquarium...

... started out well enough. We got up relaxed from a good sleep and got ready to drive to London, in no great rush but making good time. The journey was uneventful and we parked the car at my sister's and got the bus to the Southbank. Jacob was very excited about being on the bus (busses are one of his favourite things at the moment-  in pictures, in books, on TV, on the road..) so he was happy to be on one and all the way there all we heard was "bus" "bus" "bus!". Having got the tube around London before with the little one and knowing the crowds and escalators are pretty difficult the bus was brilliant! We used an app called Citymapper which was brilliant, it showed us where we were and where to go to get the right bus! Easy peasy and fun!

I love YO!Sushi and there isn't one near us so every time I go near one I love to have a munch on some of their yummy grub. We got off the bus, walked towards the SEALIFE London Aquarium and hey presto there was a YO! for us to visit and it was lunch time. The day was going right to plan, not that we really had one. I was a bit worried about the queue at the aquarium as I had heard that it could be up to two hours and I wasn't sure how the little man would cope with that but we took a chance. Our lunch was really good, although Jacob stuck to his cheese sandwich and didn't seem too keen on the sushi, he liked his cool highchair and chopsticks and the balloon they gave him went down really well! (until it popped outside the aquarium. Then we had "loon" "pop" - after we explained to him what had happened) - and lots of tears.

After lunch we headed round to the Aquarium, the queue was warning on 90 minute wait times but we went for it anyway and luckily it didn't seem to take that long at all, probably 45 minutes in the end and the little man coped really well with it, despite it being difficult not to run around all over the place. We had a voucher from Tesco so we all got in for the price of one adult (£20).

Once we got through the hot uncomfortable queue we were faced with another claustrophobic queue type situation to walk over the shark tank on glass. I had read about this on their website and was very excited. Walking above the tank was amazing and we all loved it. Unfortunately the rest of London was waiting behind us to walk over it too so we had to move pretty quickly (shame).

After that we were met by very loud "relaxing" music. This, along with the hoards of other people made the first part of our visit less under water wonderland and more hot, uncomfortable and stressful. The sheer amount of people made this trip quite an ordeal. It was impossible to see into all of the tanks and you had to move through quite quickly which was a shame. I would have liked to stop and let Jacob explore a little more but it was quite a stressful atmosphere with lots of other children all over the place and it very difficult to see the fish properly. Another problem was that the three of us could not move around together. One of us had to be with Jacob and look at the fish while the other (mostly Jacob's dad) had to stand in corners with the buggy out of the way. Then the lift to take everyone with push chairs out was malfunctioning so we missed the penguins and it took forever to get out!

I know it is half term so we were probably asking for it but I think it would've been so much better if there were less people there. I think the aquarium should seriously consider limiting the amount of people allowed in to a greater extent. If you are considering a visit I would definitely recommend visiting either late in the day or very early when there will be less people.

There were some amazing sights, especially the sharks in their huge tank and Jacob was pretty enthralled the whole time, looking back over my photos made me remember the good bits despite our overall impression being quite poor.

Next time I go I'll make sure its not half term and its a bit quieter!