Thursday, 14 March 2013

Work guilt

Feeling guilt for leaving your baby is all part of being a working mum (even if I am working 3 days a week) but the guilt doesn't stop with just leaving him so that I can work...

Nearly two weeks into being back to work and it has got surprisingly less difficult to leave the little man in the morning. My parents seem ok looking after him and he shows very few signs of missing me... This is something I'm obviously happy about (I would hate to think he was sad) but it does make me worry that maybe he doesn't miss me at all!?

Spending more time away from Jacob is also making me think much more about the days we do spend together. Before I went back to work there were days where I'd be looking forward to his naps so I could have a bit of me time but if i feel that now it also makes me feel guilty. I should be treasuring every second and making our time together really count.

I do wonder whether I'm missing out, whether being apart from him is good for us both, whether I could have done more or been more fun so he would miss me more, whether I have made the right decision and whether I had a choice anyway!? I think I am doing the right thing...

I guess I'm still trying to find the balance between being me and being mummy and getting all the other day to day things done too!

(This picture is an example of one of the visual updates I like getting from Jacobs grandparents throughout my working day. We're all still surprised and proud when he guzzles down a whole bottle of milk)



5 comments:

Bex said...

I was upset when I went back to work and Dylan didn't cry for me but it just means that they are happy and confident that you will come back. I think it is a sign that you are doing something very right. x x

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I think that guilt is just part of the package of being a Mum - my 16 year old with special needs was in respite last night and felt guilty for needing it and then had to make myself pleased that she enjoyed it!

PS Love the fact that you get photo updates from the grandparents :)

beingmebeingmum said...

I know the pictures do really help! Thanks for your comments, I think you're right. I work with children with autism so have some understanding of what you might be going through. Don't feel guilty for needing some respite I think it's totally understandable and if your little lady had fun then it's all good! :)

crunch said...

This is totally one of the hardest things to do. I completely hear you. I had to get back to work 6 weeks after my maternity leave. It was definitely one of the hardest things I've done with my little girl who's now almost 3. I used to travel overnight as well and my husband used to send me pics just like yours. She never asked for mommy those nights and was just as happy with dad, which made me giddy on one hand and question the way you are here on the other. She started pre-K recently and her initial school sessions have all being awful. Making her leave mommy and go to school is the hardest thing now and she screams her head off crying at the gate each day as she's whisked off. She didn't miss me much when I left home to go to work and I was just as worried. Now less than 3 years later she can't wait to get back to mommy each day during and after school. They turn around before you know it and you'll be worrying about what to do to make them not miss you! :) It goes in circles and it feels awful no matter which side of this you are on. Hang in there!

beingmebeingmum said...

Thanks, things change so quickly don't they? He's been a bit under the weather this week and seems to just need mummy cuddles to help. I feel so sorry for him but it is reassuring when you see signs like this that they need you!